From Reaction to Creation and Mountain Solid...Day 11

What a fantastic start to the day!
Woke up at eight, did 20 minutes yoga : Tadasnana - the mountain pose, got firmly grounded, felt my feet, my legs strong and lifting the rest of my body towards the sky, positioning my sacrum in the direction of the earth, breathing all the way up to my crown where an imaginary string connects me to the  sky and makes sure that my body is aligned and there’s no stress. Then, Sun Salutations, suriyanamaskar, breathing, slow, aware, giving attention to every pose , particularly adhomukha-svanasana- the dog pose. Noticing where I’m tight, where I’m letting go...

What you don’t know about me ladies, is that I did  a two year teacher’s training course in Yoga 15 years  ago, at the Wingate Institute, the foremost sport academy here in Israel. What matters is that it was with my first yoga teacher Orit Sengupta, who since then has risen to a Guru status, developing her own particular version of yoga, integrating scriptures, translating Patanjali into Hebrew, deep into meditation and pranayama.

I didn’t finish that course. I was in a very stressful time in my life. My husband and I had moved out of our apartment, bought one, and were in the process of planning to renovate. Meanwhile we found out there were fertility problems, we were living at my Mom’s, and to add to all that my beloved dog Jessie, was diagnosed with cancer and died a few months later. She was  like a baby to me, a friend...I don’t have to tell you what a relationship with a beloved animal is. Tears still come to my eyes when I think of her.

I didn’t become a Yoga teacher, but it remained in my body. I did Iyengar for quite awhile, and when I was finally pregnant with twins, I did classes with Anne Catherine, a prominent Iyengar teacher who had just moved to Israel from France. Until 10 days before the birth, I came to class...

Then the twins came and everything changed...did Chi Qong for two years and now I am back...to my old love, Yoga.
When I returned to Anne Catherine, who meanwhile became a single mother of two, and has a thriving Yoga studio,  is an inspiring woman herself, she said , Yael, your body is so gifted, it’s a shame...

John Lennon singing in the background : “All you need is love...” “ There's Nowhere that you can be...that isn’t where you are meant to be, it’s easy....” Right ON!

So I’ve been back to yoga for a year now, with new understandings, in addition to the Body Psychotherapy I am doing, and now with this challenge I feel that my practice is coming from different places. Today while doing the Tree pose, Vriksasana, which usually is hard for me to balance in ( I have always had balance issues) I kept repeating a Meditation from the dear dear teacher Zen Master: Tich Nhat Hanh:

“ Breathing in, I see myself as a Mountain, breathing out , I feel solid” And I saw, in my minds eye Mount Fuji in Japan, and the more I repeated it and breathed it, the more solid and balanced and grounded my pose was and I didn’t lose it even once- I could stay there for hours! Then I went to the pool, had a swim, practicing the technique I am learning, Total Immersion, sat in the sun did a few more Yoga stretches and here I am.

So I need to give you an update of this “love” affair.

All day yesterday, until the evening, I was miserable. He went away for the weekend with his lady. I walked around with a frown. Even singing “ The Bare Nescesisities” with my Ukelele, which if I pluck up enough courage I will put on You tube for you...didn’t do much for my spirits. All day my mind was filled with two words:

Reaction versus Creation. First, wow, I realized that they are made with exactly the same letters!  :- ))

And I notice, when I am in Reaction to him, to life, to anything, I am a victim, I have lost my center, I have no grounding whatsoever. And when I am in Creation, well that says it all doesn’t it?
I am empowered I feel strong, I LOVE MYSELF, I trust my instincts, everything is good , all is Well in my world. I can write , I can paint, I can talk to my friends, contribute to the world...everything is possible! I have choice. I am a Queen , like India Arie sings, I am a Lioness!  (I am a Leo! )

Later, my power began returning. I took my Mom out for dinner. She is 84 with her memory not what it used to be, she repeats herself a lot. But one thing I can tell you - when she is present she is present, it’s almost funny to notice. Everything is new to her. She remembers little details of things that happened to her when she was twenty. We talked about her love affair with my Dad, who was married when she met him. He moved out a short while after they met, but, it took him three years to get a divorce! And we’re talking the 1950’s here folks. So, finally she said, either-or, and well, I am proof that he made a choice!

So, this guy has to make a move. No more Free Hugs here man! This time ...I am going to keep my promise to dear Yaeli, and not betray her anymore, or leave her/me again. George Harrison is singing:
“..Something in the things she shows me....I don’t want to leave her now, you know I believe and HOW......du to do do , doo doo dummmmm.”!

Amen