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The Art of Fine Metalwork and the Art of Empathy and Nonviolent Communication- woven together for you....

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Leaping into vulnerability

It's been a tough week.

And I'm layin' it out here folks, like it happened.

Some may say I'm taking the leap into vulnerability?

Started last Thursday with a serious faux pas as the French say, when I made a very blunt remark on a partner's work. I  felt enraged, couldn't contain it, and/or downsize it. I can't explain the scope of feeling that came up, when I saw work  I didn't like. Still trying to understand my explosion. I felt awful, as a result.

Then another meeting that ended badly (not straight away but nevertheless) with aa man I had been in a relationship with for the past half a year. A place where I had given trust time and time again and had been betrayed- but still came back for more. Some will call it masochism, I don't know what or why, just trying my best to lick my wounds and carry on with a little more self awareness, and hopefully, compassion for both of us.

But the truth is - I'm angry, and I want revenge. I felt very vengeful...seeing all kinds of movies in my head where I go to the man's wife and hand her a letter with a print out of all our e-mails from the past half a year. Truthfully, just thinking about it made me feel bad, physically and I decided no good would come of it. And still those thoughts came popping back into my head! Ahhhhhhh.

Felt very very down all through the week. Somewhere I read that Mercury was regressing and that's why there was bad communication going on for many of us. Still , that was no solace.

From all this heavy thinking and less doing I finally, on Friday,  gave myself a "real" reason to feel bad in the form of a major bump on the head I got while cleaning the house, exactly 2 milimeters from my third eye, right in the middle of my forhead for all to see. Luckily with the help of Arnica  it doesn't look like a bruise but it's swollen and hurts REAL BAD.

To top it all off, my Mom got it ill in the middle of a nice lunch we were invited to yesterday, in a beautiful garden, on a sunny day, which was supposed to be a tranquil moment for me. So much for that. We ended up calling an ambulance because all the blood drained from her face and she couldn't stand up, after all, she's nearing 85.
I can tell you, I was scared, particularly after attending an old friend's funeral that same week...

I know how fragile life is - I know we could all go in any given moment- andI know  his passingaffected her, I know she's scared and so am I - scared to lose - if we do lose- the person who has been closest and around all these years, my Mom.

Must leave you with something hopefull, interesting , thought provoking and touching I watched this week from Brene Brown, who researches vulnerability and the way we numb ourselves in our society, the Western Society.( Why must I ? I suddenly ask myself...so that you will love me, or that I will think I'll be useful to you in some way, except for sharing my misery?)

Fow whatever reason- here goes:

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"A Big Hairy Audacious Goal"

Spiral - ink on paper

I just listened to and watched Molly Gordon's videos on what it takes to be a profitable self employed buisness owner.
She lists 5 things you need to have:

1. A Big Hairy Audacious Goal - as she calls it, or a major "WHY" am I doing what I'm doing? What makes me crazy? What's obvious to me and I want the rest of the world to know about ?
2. A Financial goal - how much do I need to be profitable, and then some. And Dream....
3. Know how: how to market and how to sell (two completely different things)
4.Confidence- Self trust
5.Follow through : Molly says that every time you follow through, and I understand that means being persistent and consistent with the first four, you also build confidence to continue what you're doing and then you start to see results. Am I right, Molly?

So what is my Big Hairy Audacious Goal?
Well here's the thing:
I've been telling myself that I want to spread NVC, Nonviolent Communication, in the world. particularly, I have always felt strongly about meeting babies' and childrens' needs as a way to create peace, have a more Empathic world, more compassion. So teaching mothers on how to communicate, or how to BE with their kids is  something that's meaningful for me. Maybe it's something I've been telling myself but in reality...I'm scared?

So how is it or why is it that I find myself sitting here in the shop I joined as a co-partner "selling" my Fine Metalwork (not a customer here today, probably on account of the weather), when I want to be working with mothers? How is it that I have been studying Biosynthesis for 3 years, with one more to go, with the intention of being a therapist? How is it that I participated in two Fine Art exhibitions this last year? How do all of these contribute to my vision? To a business that will support me and my kids?

And the self confidence, self trust that Molly is talking about, is something I feel I am only now, at the young age of 49, beginning to develop. ( It's a huge issue, SO HUGE, and yet the way Molly puts it , it sounds EASY. For me this is "THE ISSUE".
Self trust that I have value, that I do have something to give, to contribute to this world.

"My life is my message" - Gandhi wrote. Well hey I'm certainly no Gandhi, and I don't aspire to be, but somehow, what I think I can learn from this reflectionof his, is because of who I am, my life's course, the twists and turns, the tragedy in my life, somehow, maybe that is what makes this woman, Yael, and maybe THAT is something that can help others.

So hey, IT hasn't crystallized yet....

A while ago, while I was working on my piece for the Paris Group exhibition, my son, almost 11, comes up to me , looks me in the eye and says, "Mom, you're an Artist"

He said it with such tranquility, such peace, such conviction, I kinda felt like, who am I to contradict him? Maybe he knows something I don't?

I'm going to continue this theme in my next post...I think this one's long enough and full enough with things to ponder. What do you think?

Loving your comments and reflections...

Monday, December 13, 2010

Tears For A Forest

 This was written during the big fire in The Carmel Forests last week

Photos taken camping in the Carmel Forest In June 2010

Standing on a hill, in this forest
Only a week ago
Looking at the beauty
I felt a sense of expansion
That only Nature can give you.
Overlooking the Mediterranean Sea
Clean (relatively)

And now-
Much of it's gone
The Trees
The Green
Many people's lives taken, tragically

" Don't it always seem to go-
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"

I regret
Not being there more
Not taking the children with me
Precious Forest
I cry for you
And myself
And all of us