My twins, aged ten now, both got ill. It happens a lot since they were born. The day her first tooth came out, he immediately followed .. .(which meant I had two screaming babies on my hands), they both walked for the first time in the first week( not an illness for sure..) Chicken pox together, well that's easy, and whooping cough, and almost everything else.
This time , my daughter got sick first with a high fever. Crying , moaning, expressing all her fears out loud..("Do you think I'll get better?), asking to sleep with me, the works.
My son, gets sick the day her fever goes down (thankfully! ). Well, he takes it mostly. like a man, stoic for the most part, just the occasional swelling of tears, but nothing like his sister.
And me? I'm noticing the different levels of compassion in me for them. It scares me sometimes to notice that I am concerned, yes, proactive in finding solutions, even scared, but I feel a kind of numbness in my heart, even something closed, so- where is the compassion?
I have no explanation for it - when they were babies I was totally there with every inch of my being. And now? Is it because some of MY denied needs are coming up and need attention? Just questions....and a sadness coming up- but at least. non-judgmental....
P.S. My daughter herself said to me after recovering, and after I had written this post : Ima, Tom and I are completely different in our illness!!!
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