Pain and Forgiveness?

yeah I know it's a Paris sky, but suits my mood...

It's six o' clock
I've been awake since five
Went to sleep in pain
Emotional
Physical

Went to Yoga class, with my shoulder
Throbbing
My lower back sensitive
And my teacher, wanting to make my shoulder relax, lay me on a bench, with props
And my lower back got caught.
(Of course she didn't let me leave before she fixed that, but not a hundred percent)

Went to sleep sad, but in spite of that wrote down three things I'm thankful for:
I'm alive
I have a bed
I'm safe

Dreamt that I was giving birth.

It was strange (as it always is in dreams)

One minute I was pregnant

Two big contractions, more like convulsions

And the baby shot out

Perfect

Smiling (with teeth? a Cheshire baby (-: )

I put her to my breast and it was full, spurting with milk

It was a warm feeling, and yet
Something was wrong in the picture

Today is the Eve of the Jewish Day of Atonement
The day when all Jews are supposed to ask for forgiveness

To forgive and be forgiven, by each other

By God

And hope to be written in God's Book of Life, for the coming year

And all I can think of
Is my Unspoken anger
Holding it in
No wonder my back goes
Alot of anger, directed to so many people
(Not to mention myself)

Who must I forgive?
Why isn't anyone asking mine?
What is forgiveness anyway...it's a strange concept
Meaningless to me.

When I was eight my Mom would say:
" I will not speak with you till you ask for my forgiveness"
What choice did I have?
What was my Sin, anyway?

The sky is cloudy here in Israel today ( fits my mood)
And I wish it would rain
And wash all these tears (uncried)
Fears
Anger

Pain

Away