Back to square one?

 I'm writing or trying to write, but the truth is I'm still in pain, and this time it's a great physical pain, that I've been carrying for the past, oooh I don't know , four years?Just noticed  i blogged about two posts ago...

I was told about 18 months ago that I have a a situation on my left shoulder called a  calcification of the ligaments with muscles and that is causing me a lot of pain all the way up to my skull and down my arm.

I've tried all kinds of things: changing my diet for awhile, getting two steroid shots, which gave relief but are not a solution, medical yoga, osteopathy.
Pills, and good ol' denial.
Maybe if I pretend it's not there it will go away.
And there have been periods in which I've felt a whole lot better, and even for a few days wondered where it had disappeared to?

But lo, it came back and gotten much worse. So much so that I gave up Yoga...

The only thing I haven't done is have a talk with it.

Well I did ask once: what do you want to tell me? and heard a song, in Hebrew, actually a love song, that says: " Give me your hand , give me a place, in your world.."
Problem is, I didn't stay with it enough to REALLY HEAR. To go deeper.

 Some people say, since we are all this one vibrating organism and are all essentially one, our body is no different. Some also say ( and I believe this) that the soul lives in the body, and that when something goes amiss, it means there is something WE are missing, and the soul is just letting us know.

Last week I came down with a bad flu, and sat down and wrote till some thing's became clearer. For example that I'm trying to do too much stuff at once.

Then the Universe cut down some stuff for me ( so I wouldn't have to choose)

And what now? Feeling kind of lost again
they say:
Stay with the experience. I don't know but I think that if I sit with this pain long enough and stop running around trying to ACHIEVE, then maybe I might be able to develop a real conversation, maybe I will hear something I haven't already, maybe some new direction in my life?

yawn
Time for bed, at least I can try and respect that simple wish, to go to sleep?

So how do you cope with  pain? Do yo re-act and try to push it away? would love to hear
 with love to all