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The Art of Fine Metalwork and the Art of Empathy and Nonviolent Communication- woven together for you....

Thursday, November 11, 2010

How to Heal?

My Face Is Smiling, But I am Not

 This must have been one of the worst let downs in my life.

Oh yeah I've had plenty.
Lots of unrequited love.
Early crushes unspoken. A falling in love in my early years, 18 to be precise, that ended a year and a half later in desertion, and haunted me for years and years until that fateful meeting in Central Park just near Strawberry Fields, meeting him with his wife...
Men disappearing from my life.

Yet this last one hurts now, more than before, and what comes up is a sense of betrayal of trust that runs deeper. Maybe because of the process I'm going through, of opening up, of being more connected to my feelings than before,  maybe because he helped me BE in the moment and also say what's going on for me. That split second of intimacy, that closeness, is what lingers for me. It was a moment of being seen and heard.

And then , the next day- cut. Gone.

I know it's not because of me. I know he has his issues. He didn't mean to hurt me. He's just answering his own needs. I know I set myself up from the start. Maybe my choice of partners is poor- some will say that it's my soul's journey, that there's a lot more unknown than known...

All of this may be true - it just hurts hurts so bad. And feels alone, probably more alone than I have ever felt and there has been a lot of alone-ness in my life.

How to heal? How to trust again?

Your thoughts are welcome.


  1. I've been single for most of my adult life (I'm now 43), and apart from 3 years of marriage and an 8-month relationship have always lived alone or just with my son. And until fairly recently I felt that I craved that close relationship with a man and the stability of living together. Recently something has shifted for me - I am feeling ready to meet my own needs emotionally and practically and am valuing my time alone and the space to grow. Now, when I spend time intimately with another it is because I want to not because I feel I need to. I know that no-one has the ability to hurt me except when I choose to feel hurt.

    Gillian (I am a friend on fb :o) )

  2. Dear Gillian

    Thanks for your thoughts...I need to digest them a little before commenting on them. Meanwhile, I agree with you intellectually, except that for me, it hasn't sunk in yet...thank you

  3. You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” — Wayne Dyer

  4. You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” — Wayne Dyer

  5. Smile to the person who posted this...I agree!