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The Art of Fine Metalwork and the Art of Empathy and Nonviolent Communication- woven together for you....

Sunday, October 10, 2010

"Fixing a hole...fixing me"

 "Life is not a problem, what we believe about life is the problem" Byron Katie

 "I'm fixing a hole where the rain comes in, and stops my mind from wondering, where it will go...." Lennon- McCartney

Woke up at 5 am . Bad dream, a loud noise. And the instance I woke up- panic sets in. Couldn't get back to sleep. Lying there for half an hour paralyzed, and finally, I get up, go to the living room and do the only thing I know can help in these situations. Write.

(How is it that these moments give birth to writing? mmmmmm)

I sat and wrote three pages of all my suffering in that moment. All my fears , pain , judgments of myself. How I cannot move myself forward. Here I am , just past my 49th birthday, and what have I achieved? No steady stream of income, spending all the money I got from the sale of the apartment I owned, money only going out, not in...how I'm doing too much at the same time: studies, two businesses that are not taking off and on and on and on. I put it all down...and then did the The Work on the sentence:

"I should be making a living"...which ends with :

Who would I be, how would I be without the thought: " I should be earning a living" and I'm not?

Definitely less stressed.

Suddenly snapped out of the bad mood, did my Chi-qong/Yoga routine, then 15 minute meditation,  summoned all my resources...and you know what? I had a fruitful day...checked things off my list.

 Later, a seed I sowed half a year ago suddenly popped out of the ground... met a woman who may invite me to speak about Empathy in front of a group of English/Anglo Saxon women.  I have a sale at the end of the week of my metalwork at a big event,  and I am joining a co-op of crafts- women and artists, in a town adjacent to mine where I will be able to sell straight to the public with no go betweens... not to mention that a piece of mine is in a gallery in Paris! So really, objectively...things ARE moving and are definitely not static...so why the panic? Could it be a conversation I had yesterday in which a friend showed me in numbers how I am throwing money away by renting instead of buying an apartment? Maybe I was just ripe for some stress....

So it's 1030 pm...the day is coming to a close, kids in bed, I'm at the computer, a bunny rabbit hopping around the living room, rain falling outside, freshening up the air - all is well...

"And it really doesn't matter, if I'm wrong I'm right, where I belong I'm right, where I belong!"
Lennon- McCartney


  1. Great post Yael, and isn't it lovely when we can stack up the evidence to show us that things are not static. I love Byron Katie's work - it really cuts to the heart of the matter.

    Smiling too .... you posted this at 10pm on 101010 :)

  2. Thank you Jackie!!
    I didn't notice the time and date......

  3. Hi Yael,
    I haven't stopped by in some time, but I'm glad I did.
    I was having some similar thoughts last night. I looked at the evidence and saw very much the same things you did.
    I think sometimes we get caught up in our old habits of worry and stress and miss the fact that we have also developed new habits that are moving us forward.
    Good luck to you!

  4. Thank You Jenny for your thoughts. And I agree that it is hard sometimes to acknowledge that we have made steps, even small ones, forward...
    Thanks again for stopping by!