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The Art of Fine Metalwork and the Art of Empathy and Nonviolent Communication- woven together for you....

Thursday, April 22, 2010

When we keep repeating ourselves over and over...

Remember those record's from the old days? And those grooves the needle would get caught in whenever there was the slightest scratch - and which, until we would gently lift it would just repeat the same music over and over? That was really annoying, right?

So, today, we don't use those records anymore but our habits, particularly of repeating ourselves over and over, reacting in the same automatic ways and wanting to be "right"; These habits are, how shall I put it, lagging behind technology? 

Do these re-actions bring us any closer to getting our deeper needs met? Probably not.

So how do we gently "lift the needle"?

For me, it means creating a little gap that enables me to choose how I want to respond instead of just shooting whatever comes to mind. My Dad, may he rest in peace, used to say: whenever you find yourself getting angry, go drink a glass of cold water. ( I'm wondering how often he used his own advice...). Sometimes, when situations arise I am able to take an in-breath and out breath, release stress and ask myself, what am I feeling? What do I need? And sometimes, particularly in the family, I notice, it doesn't happen, and I find myself stuck in that ol' groove. In which case I try to remember to be kind to myself, and remember that, as Marshall Rosenberg puts it (roughly): In the family, where our feelings and needs are strongest -  is the place where it is hardest to change those habits which we know don't serve us anymore. And here is where we need to be as compassionate as we can to ourselves...

So how do you create the gap, and move ahead with compassion? I'd love to hear your remarks.


  1. Hi Yael

    I think compassion is the first step towards change as it allows us to soothe our fiercest critic and make us more accepting that we can change.

    Because habits are something we *do*, they need to be undone or unlearnt and that takes action.

    I use psychological tools & exercises from the field of NLP & EFT to break habits very effectively.

  2. Hi Reetha
    Thank you for responding. I agree with you that compassion soothes.Personally I am striving to find ways to be compassionate to my-self. I am Familiar with EFT, and have tried it a few times (on my own). I can imagine working with someone who is skilled in it can really benefit.Is it something you can do online?

  3. Yes it is Yael, nowadays all my programmes are run on telephone or skype.