Today I'm 50!

A Yael In The Judean Desert, I really must get a new photo!

 

It's my birthday and a big one, and I thought it would be nice to celebrate by writing in this blog again.

So here I am a big girl and I mean BIG! Like 50 is really saying to me, Baby- it's now or never ( well almost). I am determined to make a contribution to this world that will be meaningful to others and myself AND will earn me a great living!

Is that something that's ok to want? Yes , I know they say you are not measured by your bank balance, and I can always ask myself: When there's a constant stream of income , that covers all your expenses and more, THEN. will you value yourself? THEN will you be happy? 

First , let me say - I AM HAPPY TODAY. Not only because there was an outpouring of love from so many people today, and my kids surprised me in the morning with cake and flowers and explicit instructions not to get out of my pajamas and NOT to wash dishes. I am happy because I just feel good! Right here, right now.  

Remembering I came upon this one day at Jonathan Fields blog:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success - Emerson

Ahhh, This resonated, then and now. I breath easier reading this, don't you?

So I'm 50. I hope you all will be hearing from me this year often and of things I'm out there doing, for the benefit of all , but also for the ability to look at myself in the mirror and say, Yael, you made it, you reached your goals!

Love to all!

It's all written

I have a neighbor. He's very old, about 85 years, he sits all day in his living room in front of a big tv and talks to it for lack of anyone else to talk to. He came here from Greece, I'm not sure when, before or after WW2. In any case, traditionally, in those countries, people sat with their doors open, on balconies and talked to each other, way before modern life with it's smartphones and ipads, when hardly anyone looks at each other anymore. So he sits in his livingroom with the windows and the shutters wide open, watching TV and commenting, singing along, and whenever a neighbor passes by, hurrying on his way to work ( because he also happens to be situated above the joint car park) he always says hello,well, shouts hello.

I'm his favorite neighbor. I always say hi and a few words, ask how he's doing.I ask him what the weather forecast is, because he always knows. He loves my kids and has been watching them grow. " You've got great kids!" he always says. Once in a while, like this morning for example, he'll see me, and say:

 " Don't worry"

What? Am I walking around with a worried look? I must be. I am not known for my Poker Face. I am the most transparent person I know.
Everything, but everything I'm feeling, shows.

So, don't worry, he says...it's all written up there, he points to the sky. Whatever needs to be, will be...I give him the thumbs up, and feel inspired to go straight upstairs to this computer to write to you about it. Why? I don't know, just felt like sharing it.

Is it all written? Pre-determined? People have been asking this question for ages, and I don't think anyone has an answer. Some say we are living in an illusion of control. All this web activity, coaches coaching, Secrets being unrevealed, telling us we can dream up a future and it will be.

Once all mankind's wisdom came from the aged, the elderly folks of the tribe, who had seen so much and passed on their experience. And now? I don't want to say the world belongs only to the young ( and the internet), but let's face it, most elderly people, sadly, have no part in society.

But let's get back to you out there, I hope, like me, you can find some comfort from this man's words. It's all written... seems like sometimes I put so much energy in thinking about the future, and worrying about it, I have no time for the present. Maybe there's too much control tied to it. Sometimes I feel compelled to do things and then wonder why. Maybe it's not ALL up to me?

 So I'm inviting you, if you find yourself tense and caught up in worry, to ponder these words for a few seconds, and see what happens...does it loosen the grip a little?

Wishing you and myself peace

P.S. (how outdated is that? ...And still, an after thought):

A few days passed. I didn't publish this post, because the battery died out on me at the last moment.  All sorts of things happened, amongst them my smartphone getting stolen, getting angry with a rep of the telephone company, and mostly angry with myself for falling prey to sales talk and promises of freebies.( Sorry for being human , Yael). I have all sorts of decisions to make - about renting another apartment or finding one to buy...and plenty of other small, but pressing issues.

 And still, the words of my old neighbor reverberate.... don't worry...I'm taking a deep breath, trying to find solace in those words, in ANY words for that matter.

I looked in the Gandhi quotes page and my eyes rested on:

" Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."

And a little self compassion won't hurt...

A little Empathy goes a long way...

I'm standing outside in the public playground/garden under the building where I live, waiting for a telephone technician, A mother witha baby stroller is just leaving and her older child, maybe two years old, is still playing with some leaves, totally absorbed as children are.

"I'm leaving!" the mother says and starts to go, turning the corner, where her daughter cannot see her.,
The little girl looks up, and starts to cry: Mama!
Mother returns: We have to go, come now, or I'll go without you!
The child's face is in the pile of leaves.
I'm going!
Child cries again and finally starts walking in the direction of her Mom.

I want to say to her: You know, she's not doing this against you...but I am silent.
The little girl reaches her mother and hands her a little something she found as a present
Mother for a split second: Very sweet, BUT, you must come when I call you! You must come!

I find I am really affected by this exchange. These few moments, for me, condense the way we so many times handle situations. I don't mean to sit here in judgment. I've BEEN ( and maybe still am) that Mother. An eternal, hands full, looking tired with two young 'uns Mother who hasn't got a clue what to do and just wants to get on with her day. I've BEEN that Mother who finally threatens her child...
and I probably was the child who was frightened into complying, not understanding her "crime".

My heart goes out to both of them,

And I know there is another way out of it. A peaceful way. A word or two of Empathy on the adults part could go a very long way. Something like: " Wow I see you really like those leaves, right?" and " You really want to stay here a little longer, yeah?"
 Sounds obvious and maybe a little too dumb to say, but in these two questions, so many underlying needs get met. First and foremost connection. The child feels hat she is seen, the Mother is WITH her child in her experience, and therefore may even relax a minute or two long enough to enjoy a special, magical moment with her child. And then she might say, I really want to get going, to which her child might still resist, to which the Mother may drop another: "It's hard to leave, isn't it?" So much is taught here...gentle consideration.

I'm not saying it's easy. That Mom needs a ton of Empathy sent her way in her predicament. And yet, it's possible.

This exchange won't take longer than the usual, and it will create ripples of peace and understanding that might reach out into generations to come.

I have used Empathy in many situations, and by no means all of them. My children are living proof that when their needs are heard and taken into consideration, they will grow up to be kinder more capable of compassion in a world that to this date, knows mostly the language of dominance and fear.

If you ever find that you're in a situation with someone ( children large and small) and it's not moving in the direction you want., try Empathy first and let me know if it works for you.

my darling and I

My love and understanding to you...

Wisdom from an eleven year old sage...

I have tears in my eyes.

My son, Tom wanted to stop playing piano. He said: It's just not fun for me! This brought up a lot of stuff for me. And yet I did my best to listen with empathy. To get my own pre-conceptions out of the way.

I guessed his different feelings and needs. His frustration. He didn't want his teacher to be hurt, he didn't want to face the moment of saying "goodbye" to her.  ( He knows she really cares for him and thinks he's good) And yet I heard my self saying things like: "if you want to succeed at anything you need to practice a lot and it's not always fun" (mmmm, is that true? ) He answered: what has that got to do with it? (he's right. what does it have to do with it?)

We went over different aspects, I offered solutions, ideas,  but mostly I heard his tears and his heart crying out for something.

I know how you feel, I said
You do?
Yes
How so?
Well I remember that when I was a child and playing piano, I stopped because the piano was in the basement and I was soooo scared to be there, and even more scared to tell my Mom I was scared. And then, played flute...and then we moved to Israel, for me a new land, though my homeland, and all the support system of the school in the States was gone. And no one else in my new class played...and... and I stopped. Also I know about the pitfalls of being an artist in any field. How easy distractions come in. How easily I doubt.

I also noticed that I was trying to convince him to continue. I noticed tension in my body.

Suddenly I said: Ok Tom, you can stop. you know I won't force you.
Really? he asked , suddenly surprised.
Yes, really
I let go, I really let go. I felt it in my body. I felt him relax.

Came to the computer ( which is in the living room, where the piano is too), Started to read , tweet etc. Suddenly, out of the blue, Tom starts playing. After a few moments, he says:
I've decided to continue.
Really?
Yes, he said
Why?
I remembered that sometimes there are obstacles in life. I can either overcome them, or get stuck.

And with that , he resumed playing for another half an hour, happily

He is eleven.
All I can say is I'm humbled, privileged to have this soul as my child.

Guest post at www.mindfulground.com

Proud to be on  Carina from Denmark's website! Come check out my first ever guest post!

 http://www.mindfulground.com/mindfully-not-present-by-yael-brisker/

Would love to hear what you think!

Enjoy!

Happiness Is a Soap Bubble

on loan from oliviatejada.com who got it on flickr and inspired by her

Happiness

Watching a child, any child,

Even my somwhat cynical pre-teenage daughter,

Blowing bubbles

Brings with it so much delight

Such pure happiness...

What is it about those bubbles?

Universally happy

Funny

Exciting

Giggly

Bubbles

To Dream The Impossible Dream...?

After listening to El at TruthPassionJoy.com I want to make a lis, a list of dreams, a list of things I want.

Why is it so hard for me?

The past couple of months have been so full of pain (physical too) and self-doubt, that everything I thought was true for me suddenly wasn't there anymore. My goal /dream of becoming a therapist, even believing in my ability to write, went down the drain, hence the long absence from this blog.

 I experienced panic becoming the main feeling I was walking around with.

I have so many abilities.
I can sing
I can write
I can photograph
I can listen and empathize
I have fantastic hands, for making things and for soothing, people say my touch is great.
I love the internet and can use some of it's tools, though there is always more to learn...
I'm wonderful with babies and people...

But what about my list?
what about my dreams?
Well, what?
I want to FEEL the feeling of wanting with all my heart. Not what my parents or sibling wanted for me, not my children's wants, my own.

When was the last time I really WANTED, trying to find it somewhere in my life.
Does it have to be big? Can it be made of tiny wants? When I think about food for example, what kind do I love? Can I feel it coming from my belly? Food and wanting seem to go together...

And  SO WHAT if I know (or speculate) that it started when I was a tiny infant and didn't get my needs met at the right time and got disconnected from my own impulse. How does that knowing help me now? How can I NOW start again, gradually to dream, to want, to train this muscle of wanting, dreaming dreams so I can finally make this list, be convinced of it, and start to implement it.

Looks like the answer is in the question. Gradually....slowly with patience, with love, gently, like I would do with my babies...

I start again