Ripe For Peace

The day before yesterday I returned from another Nonviolent Communication Camp In the Judean desert, devoted to bringing together and bridging between Israeli, Palestinan and International women and teenage girls. My role was to facilitate the youngsters group.

This gathering was much smaller - which made for more intimate connection between all of us.

What was also different for me was that this time my daughter Yasmin, aged 12, joined. I was anxious to see how she would manage, how she would "survive" without her laptop, and if in general she would be able to connect with the other girls.  There were two other Jewish girls and three 14 year old Palestinian girls from East Jerusalem, from the American School. It was pure fun and inspiring to see just how quickly and naturally they all made contact.

And how did they do this? Through music, international music...namely Adele! They stood there , the six of them, and Sang "Rolling in the Deep" at the top of their lungs in the middle of the desert! My only regret is that I wasn't quick enough to film it...it was soooooo beautiful! 

Once they had made that connection...they were off! Chatting about Facebook, music, school, Ipads - what they like to eat, etcetera. Of course, because these were all girls, who are fortunate to be able to speak fluent English, the bridge wasn't that hard to build. 

There were two  poignant and touching moments, for me. One was when we are all of us, sitting in a circle- introducing who we are and why we came to the gathering. An Israeli woman told us that she had lost her eldest son in the Second Lebanon War. She said: " I came here because I don't want to see anymore mother's  suffer, I want war to end, this madness to end, I believe there is only way- that we will talk to each other, meet each other - "   we all wept. 

Immediately after her a young woman from Bethlehem said: " Why do we need all these identities? Palestinian, Israeli, religious, secular - can't we just all accept that we are all the same?

The other moment was when my daughter sat with one of the Arab girls and said: " I must admit, that until today, the only thing I ever knew of Palestinians was from what I saw on TV watching the news with my grandmother, and it never looked good. And here we are, I see you are exactly like me!"

I believe deep in my heart that the ONLY level on which lasting peace can be made is on the level of meetings, one-on-one. This may take time, but maybe not as long as some may think. I think the world is ripe for a change, is evolving in this direction, and the powers that drag us into war are losing their hold on people.

 In the words of Yoko Ono Lennon: "A dream you dream alone is just a dream- a dream you dream together is a reality"

May all beings live in Peace - may all beings be Happy.

10 Things I know to be True. Right Now

Tom Yasmin and I in 2007

Inspired by Sarah Kay

 I love my kids.

 Kids are teachers.

 War is a reality.

 So is Peace.

 Bananas taste good.

 My feet ache.

 Loving myself makes me happy.

 Hating myself makes me learn.

 Growing up sucks.

 Even when I'm tired, "I don't wanna, I don't wanna go to sleep!" and regret it the next morning.

What are the ten things YOU know to be true? 

No Man (or Woman) is An Island

I am off to a retreat tomorrow of Israeli Palestinian and international women outside of Jericho, to learn and practice together the model known as Nonviolent Communication.  This is actually the ground in which I have been gestating in and am beginning to sprout from, these last almost 10 years. I teach NVC (short for nonviolent communication) and yes, Empathy is the heart of this model.

You can read more online on www.cnvc.org but basically what we are encouraging and inspiring people to, is a shift to a feelings and needs based communication, rather than what we were educated (most of us) on: communication from the head, judgments analysis, interpretations and getting people to do what we want from a place of shame/guilt/fear of punishment.

Practicing Empathy helps us, no matter what the other person is saying, to listen to what’s in his/her heart. This requires a presence, a silencing (temporarily) of what’s going on in us, in order to create a space for the other. When a person feels heard and understood what often happens is that they come to a solution for their problem and they develop a deeper understanding and awareness of themselves.

Also, when a person has had a chance to be heard - he or she is now more open to hearing and responding to what is going on in us. And then a dialogue begins. A deeper connection is created. As Marshall Rosenberg, the creator of NVC puts it. “When there exists a certain quality of connection, the solutions find us” (and not the other way around.(-:). So it’s an energetic opening, perhaps a spiritual one, grounded in a compassionate relationship.

Connection, conection, connection. Is there a being on this planet, who doesn’t yearn for it?

As the 16th century poet, John Donne put it: “ No man is an island”

I invite you to learn NVC, for more connection and a more empathic and peaceful world.

I offer one on one trainings and single consultations, presentations and workshops for groups.
I can be contacted at yael.brisker@ gmail.com or on Twitter - @yaelbrisker and on Facebook where I have a  page devoted to Empathy called  Empathic Connections

With Love

A reason for being

Just came back from giving a presentation on Nonviolent Communication. Feeling high and happy, and as one friend put it "nourished" for the next couple of days at least!

One woman's feedback was, I can see and feel how important it is for you to pass this on...

And indeed, I feel so passionate about it. Maybe because I am, like a friend in England once said :"Just an old Hippy" ( I was 24 at the time)...which I guess means I am a product of the 60's - growing up in the States in those years must have had a an effect on me.

Or is it the fact that Marshall Rosenberg, the man who formulated Nonviolent Communication, got his Doctorate in 1961 , the year I was born?

In any case- I feel this is my raison d'etre, as the French say, my reason for being. This year, is going to be the year where I will give as many presentations and workshops as I possibly can . I feel my breakthrough is near...

Time to go to sleep...sweet sleep

Lessons learned from my pets

I have two bunny rabbits and a German Shepherd puppy who is 8 months old. Since they've been in my life I've had the opportunity to learn a lot from them. Like everyone else, they are a mirror of where I am now.

Here are the lessons:

1. Change comes slow, habits take time to integrate: When I wanted to move the rabbits toilet box I noticed that if I move it in one swoop, even if it's 30 centimeters (about a foot's length) away, it just won't work. They'll keep on going to the same spot. But if I move it a fraction of an inch every day, then little by little, they adjust. Same goes for us, little by little...

2. Be patient. This I learned from my bunnies and dog, and relates to the lesson above. If you want to teach a new trick, or understand what's going on, take your time, observe, reflect and then make a move. So be patient, with yourselves and others.

3. Out of that comes: Don't make sudden moves. Rabbits are hunted animals- every time I walk into their "room" and come in suddenly or loudly they freak out and run away. So I've learned to slow down, soften my movements, be more conscious and aware and no one gets scared away, including myself.

4. Sometimes it's best to sit still and let things come to you. When I had only one bunny I learned that I could never approach him, to try and pet him. I had to sit quietly and let him come to me, and then, and only then, could I softly stroke him. Same for the dog- when we're outdoors, if I keep chasing her she will always run away, but if I stand still, or sit down, or retreat, she will come to me. Maybe, in our do do do lives, from time to time, we can sit quietly and let life happen?

Emma aged 8 months

5. Operating from anger is counter productive and weakens you! Nothing can be learned from doing things angrily. In fact. particularly for dogs, whom we tend to speak to as if they're human : " Emma! Why did you chew my art work?" as if she understands, an angry human is a weak leader. And if the leader is weak, the dog understand that he better be in charge, and then you're in trouble. Cesar Milan teaches that we must be calm and assertive. Isn't that true for all of life?

6.  Last for now, but not least: Live in the Moment. Animals can be the greatest gurus of this, for they are living examples of what it means to be present in the moment. Who hasn't had the experience of the joy you're greeted with coming in the door, even if you left a minute ago? Or if you got angry with her,( which you'll inevitably be (-: ) she will never never hold a grudge! That is amazing, in of itself.

Watching my dog sit outside in the grass in the park near our home, I see her delighted in every breeze, every fly that flies by, every moment is vibrant and happy, and when she sleeps, it's deep and recharges her. How I envy that!

So what have you learned from your pets? I'd love to hear

Today I'm 50!

A Yael In The Judean Desert, I really must get a new photo!

 

It's my birthday and a big one, and I thought it would be nice to celebrate by writing in this blog again.

So here I am a big girl and I mean BIG! Like 50 is really saying to me, Baby- it's now or never ( well almost). I am determined to make a contribution to this world that will be meaningful to others and myself AND will earn me a great living!

Is that something that's ok to want? Yes , I know they say you are not measured by your bank balance, and I can always ask myself: When there's a constant stream of income , that covers all your expenses and more, THEN. will you value yourself? THEN will you be happy? 

First , let me say - I AM HAPPY TODAY. Not only because there was an outpouring of love from so many people today, and my kids surprised me in the morning with cake and flowers and explicit instructions not to get out of my pajamas and NOT to wash dishes. I am happy because I just feel good! Right here, right now.  

Remembering I came upon this one day at Jonathan Fields blog:

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success - Emerson

Ahhh, This resonated, then and now. I breath easier reading this, don't you?

So I'm 50. I hope you all will be hearing from me this year often and of things I'm out there doing, for the benefit of all , but also for the ability to look at myself in the mirror and say, Yael, you made it, you reached your goals!

Love to all!

It's all written

I have a neighbor. He's very old, about 85 years, he sits all day in his living room in front of a big tv and talks to it for lack of anyone else to talk to. He came here from Greece, I'm not sure when, before or after WW2. In any case, traditionally, in those countries, people sat with their doors open, on balconies and talked to each other, way before modern life with it's smartphones and ipads, when hardly anyone looks at each other anymore. So he sits in his livingroom with the windows and the shutters wide open, watching TV and commenting, singing along, and whenever a neighbor passes by, hurrying on his way to work ( because he also happens to be situated above the joint car park) he always says hello,well, shouts hello.

I'm his favorite neighbor. I always say hi and a few words, ask how he's doing.I ask him what the weather forecast is, because he always knows. He loves my kids and has been watching them grow. " You've got great kids!" he always says. Once in a while, like this morning for example, he'll see me, and say:

 " Don't worry"

What? Am I walking around with a worried look? I must be. I am not known for my Poker Face. I am the most transparent person I know.
Everything, but everything I'm feeling, shows.

So, don't worry, he says...it's all written up there, he points to the sky. Whatever needs to be, will be...I give him the thumbs up, and feel inspired to go straight upstairs to this computer to write to you about it. Why? I don't know, just felt like sharing it.

Is it all written? Pre-determined? People have been asking this question for ages, and I don't think anyone has an answer. Some say we are living in an illusion of control. All this web activity, coaches coaching, Secrets being unrevealed, telling us we can dream up a future and it will be.

Once all mankind's wisdom came from the aged, the elderly folks of the tribe, who had seen so much and passed on their experience. And now? I don't want to say the world belongs only to the young ( and the internet), but let's face it, most elderly people, sadly, have no part in society.

But let's get back to you out there, I hope, like me, you can find some comfort from this man's words. It's all written... seems like sometimes I put so much energy in thinking about the future, and worrying about it, I have no time for the present. Maybe there's too much control tied to it. Sometimes I feel compelled to do things and then wonder why. Maybe it's not ALL up to me?

 So I'm inviting you, if you find yourself tense and caught up in worry, to ponder these words for a few seconds, and see what happens...does it loosen the grip a little?

Wishing you and myself peace

P.S. (how outdated is that? ...And still, an after thought):

A few days passed. I didn't publish this post, because the battery died out on me at the last moment.  All sorts of things happened, amongst them my smartphone getting stolen, getting angry with a rep of the telephone company, and mostly angry with myself for falling prey to sales talk and promises of freebies.( Sorry for being human , Yael). I have all sorts of decisions to make - about renting another apartment or finding one to buy...and plenty of other small, but pressing issues.

 And still, the words of my old neighbor reverberate.... don't worry...I'm taking a deep breath, trying to find solace in those words, in ANY words for that matter.

I looked in the Gandhi quotes page and my eyes rested on:

" Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes."

And a little self compassion won't hurt...