Hamsa - will I be making them again?

Hamsa full view
Originally uploaded by Yael Brisker Fine MetalWork

" Avert the evil eye with this this beautiful wall hanging Hamsa.
Traditionally hung over doorways throughout the Middle East...it brings together all religions in their quest for well being!
made of embossed brass, with turquoise patina and transparent finish."
$60

I've been making this piece for a long time now...and haven't always felt good, mainly about how much I was asking for it.... mmmmmm what should I do? To do or not to do?

An Exhibition

This is the continuation of the show in Paris that I participated in in October 2010, now showing in Israel

NO CHAINS AROUND MY FEET...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Back to square one?

 I'm writing or trying to write, but the truth is I'm still in pain, and this time it's a great physical pain, that I've been carrying for the past, oooh I don't know , four years?Just noticed  i blogged about two posts ago...

I was told about 18 months ago that I have a a situation on my left shoulder called a  calcification of the ligaments with muscles and that is causing me a lot of pain all the way up to my skull and down my arm.

I've tried all kinds of things: changing my diet for awhile, getting two steroid shots, which gave relief but are not a solution, medical yoga, osteopathy.
Pills, and good ol' denial.
Maybe if I pretend it's not there it will go away.
And there have been periods in which I've felt a whole lot better, and even for a few days wondered where it had disappeared to?

But lo, it came back and gotten much worse. So much so that I gave up Yoga...

The only thing I haven't done is have a talk with it.

Well I did ask once: what do you want to tell me? and heard a song, in Hebrew, actually a love song, that says: " Give me your hand , give me a place, in your world.."
Problem is, I didn't stay with it enough to REALLY HEAR. To go deeper.

 Some people say, since we are all this one vibrating organism and are all essentially one, our body is no different. Some also say ( and I believe this) that the soul lives in the body, and that when something goes amiss, it means there is something WE are missing, and the soul is just letting us know.

Last week I came down with a bad flu, and sat down and wrote till some thing's became clearer. For example that I'm trying to do too much stuff at once.

Then the Universe cut down some stuff for me ( so I wouldn't have to choose)

And what now? Feeling kind of lost again
they say:
Stay with the experience. I don't know but I think that if I sit with this pain long enough and stop running around trying to ACHIEVE, then maybe I might be able to develop a real conversation, maybe I will hear something I haven't already, maybe some new direction in my life?

yawn
Time for bed, at least I can try and respect that simple wish, to go to sleep?

So how do you cope with  pain? Do yo re-act and try to push it away? would love to hear
 with love to all

Pain and Gratitude- strange partners...

Pain

Woke up with a paraphrase of Oprah's quote: "Cheers to a new day and another chance to make a fresh start"

And definitely, gratitude for that, and yet, I'm in pain. I have been living in pain for the last few years.
Since my separation basically. It's a pain in my shoulder, and though I had it checked, an ultra sound done, and did yoga for the last almost two years, it's still there, and getting worse! And added to that, lately my right hand -   so stiff and painful I can barely work, write, cut vegetables,  excruciating is the word.

My dentist's secretary says: " If you're nearing fifty and you don't feel pain, then you're dead!"  Well happy as I am to be alive, must I live in pain?

In my meditation this morning, I realize, I am barely breathing! And my body is frozen. The image that comes up is one of a massive Egyptian sculpture, one of those kings sitting frozen on their thrones. I try to soften it, turn it into flesh and bones, like Pinocchio coming to life , but no, that doesn't work, it just seems to make it worse.

And the question that comes up for me is, why I am continuing this? Why am I allowing myself to live in pain? I feel totally dry, brittle , almost.

M greatest sense is that this is the year I need to STOP, make some priorities, and mainly, put myself first...

So how do you, who are hopefully still reading this from time to time, stop?

Leaping into vulnerability

It's been a tough week.

And I'm layin' it out here folks, like it happened.

Some may say I'm taking the leap into vulnerability?

Started last Thursday with a serious faux pas as the French say, when I made a very blunt remark on a partner's work. I  felt enraged, couldn't contain it, and/or downsize it. I can't explain the scope of feeling that came up, when I saw work  I didn't like. Still trying to understand my explosion. I felt awful, as a result.

Then another meeting that ended badly (not straight away but nevertheless) with aa man I had been in a relationship with for the past half a year. A place where I had given trust time and time again and had been betrayed- but still came back for more. Some will call it masochism, I don't know what or why, just trying my best to lick my wounds and carry on with a little more self awareness, and hopefully, compassion for both of us.

But the truth is - I'm angry, and I want revenge. I felt very vengeful...seeing all kinds of movies in my head where I go to the man's wife and hand her a letter with a print out of all our e-mails from the past half a year. Truthfully, just thinking about it made me feel bad, physically and I decided no good would come of it. And still those thoughts came popping back into my head! Ahhhhhhh.

Felt very very down all through the week. Somewhere I read that Mercury was regressing and that's why there was bad communication going on for many of us. Still , that was no solace.

From all this heavy thinking and less doing I finally, on Friday,  gave myself a "real" reason to feel bad in the form of a major bump on the head I got while cleaning the house, exactly 2 milimeters from my third eye, right in the middle of my forhead for all to see. Luckily with the help of Arnica  it doesn't look like a bruise but it's swollen and hurts REAL BAD.

To top it all off, my Mom got it ill in the middle of a nice lunch we were invited to yesterday, in a beautiful garden, on a sunny day, which was supposed to be a tranquil moment for me. So much for that. We ended up calling an ambulance because all the blood drained from her face and she couldn't stand up, after all, she's nearing 85.
I can tell you, I was scared, particularly after attending an old friend's funeral that same week...

I know how fragile life is - I know we could all go in any given moment- andI know  his passingaffected her, I know she's scared and so am I - scared to lose - if we do lose- the person who has been closest and around all these years, my Mom.

Must leave you with something hopefull, interesting , thought provoking and touching I watched this week from Brene Brown, who researches vulnerability and the way we numb ourselves in our society, the Western Society.( Why must I ? I suddenly ask myself...so that you will love me, or that I will think I'll be useful to you in some way, except for sharing my misery?)

Fow whatever reason- here goes:

"A Big Hairy Audacious Goal"

Spiral - ink on paper



I just listened to and watched Molly Gordon's videos on what it takes to be a profitable self employed buisness owner.
She lists 5 things you need to have:

1. A Big Hairy Audacious Goal - as she calls it, or a major "WHY" am I doing what I'm doing? What makes me crazy? What's obvious to me and I want the rest of the world to know about ?
2. A Financial goal - how much do I need to be profitable, and then some. And Dream....
3. Know how: how to market and how to sell (two completely different things)
4.Confidence- Self trust
5.Follow through : Molly says that every time you follow through, and I understand that means being persistent and consistent with the first four, you also build confidence to continue what you're doing and then you start to see results. Am I right, Molly?

So what is my Big Hairy Audacious Goal?
Well here's the thing:
I've been telling myself that I want to spread NVC, Nonviolent Communication, in the world. particularly, I have always felt strongly about meeting babies' and childrens' needs as a way to create peace, have a more Empathic world, more compassion. So teaching mothers on how to communicate, or how to BE with their kids is  something that's meaningful for me. Maybe it's something I've been telling myself but in reality...I'm scared?

So how is it or why is it that I find myself sitting here in the shop I joined as a co-partner "selling" my Fine Metalwork (not a customer here today, probably on account of the weather), when I want to be working with mothers? How is it that I have been studying Biosynthesis for 3 years, with one more to go, with the intention of being a therapist? How is it that I participated in two Fine Art exhibitions this last year? How do all of these contribute to my vision? To a business that will support me and my kids?
mmmmm

And the self confidence, self trust that Molly is talking about, is something I feel I am only now, at the young age of 49, beginning to develop. ( It's a huge issue, SO HUGE, and yet the way Molly puts it , it sounds EASY. For me this is "THE ISSUE".
Self trust that I have value, that I do have something to give, to contribute to this world.

"My life is my message" - Gandhi wrote. Well hey I'm certainly no Gandhi, and I don't aspire to be, but somehow, what I think I can learn from this reflectionof his, is because of who I am, my life's course, the twists and turns, the tragedy in my life, somehow, maybe that is what makes this woman, Yael, and maybe THAT is something that can help others.

So hey, IT hasn't crystallized yet....

A while ago, while I was working on my piece for the Paris Group exhibition, my son, almost 11, comes up to me , looks me in the eye and says, "Mom, you're an Artist"

He said it with such tranquility, such peace, such conviction, I kinda felt like, who am I to contradict him? Maybe he knows something I don't?

I'm going to continue this theme in my next post...I think this one's long enough and full enough with things to ponder. What do you think?

Loving your comments and reflections...

Tears For A Forest

 This was written during the big fire in The Carmel Forests last week

Photos taken camping in the Carmel Forest In June 2010

Standing on a hill, in this forest
Only a week ago
Looking at the beauty
I felt a sense of expansion
Tranquility
Happiness
That only Nature can give you.
Hills
Overlooking the Mediterranean Sea
Peaceful
Clean (relatively)

And now-
Much of it's gone
The Trees
The Green
Many people's lives taken, tragically

" Don't it always seem to go-
That you don't know what you've got till it's gone?"

I regret
Not being there more
Regret
Not taking the children with me
Precious Forest
I cry for you
And myself
And all of us